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Werd [Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
@ 5:29am]
[ mood | awake ]

Hey, whats going on, ive decided to update, because im just that bored, and im just chilling here. I havnt wrote in here in so long, or atleast made a real update in ages. But mostly, ive just been sitting around, tonight was interesting i guess, matt had daisy call and we talked for a bit, maybe a few hours, not sure. But it was pretty cool, cured my bordom for a while, and it was nice talking to her, she seems really nice, and now she has me listening to Dresden Dolls. She had to get off the phone because her dad came home, and started bitching and such.
But i dont know whats all going to go down today when i wake up, im probably going to wake up, and call matt, and go hang at the mall or something, not really sure. Probably going to go chill up there with him and Daisy, or something. I want a..I want a..I...want..a..coin operated boy.
Oh, and for some reason, daisy made up this crazy idea, that we are going to get married in a year, dont ask why, I just started talking to her tonight, and she busts out with, "HEY, lets get married in a year", so I said alright, and she wrote it down in her planner..Roffles..
..Anywho, i think im going to stop writing

12 withering flowers sink deeply

Hi? [Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
@ 12:56pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Well yeah, i really dont ever see a point to updating ever.
nothing really happens in my life that i have to write about.
but heres another enntry <3

6 withering flowers sink deeply

w3rD y0 [Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
@ 3:23pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

1v3 d3c1d3d t0 typ3 l1k3 th1s c4us3 1 4m r34lly b0r3d 4nd 1 h4v3 n0th1ng b3tt3r t0 d0, but 1 h4vnt upd4t3d 1n l1k3 4 l0ng 4ss t1m3 4nd 1 r34lly d0nt f33l l1k3 upd4t1ng, s0 1 gu3ss 1m n0t, 4nyw4y

3 withering flowers sink deeply

Hello moto [Saturday, May 7th, 2005
@ 2:54am]
[ mood | drunk ]

Well, i hacnt unpated in a while, i just got home from my friends 21st briuthadfy parts, just wanted to say hi, wanted to post on here cause i havnt talked to anyone in a long time,a nd im starting to think about alot fo old shit, and lly my smistakes i makde, anyways, byed or soemthing

sink deeply

Rawr? [Monday, March 14th, 2005
@ 10:38pm]
You are all
TEH GHEYZZzZZZZZZ!!!!11111!!1111111111111111111
...i have updated in forever, and it really doesnt bug me..=/
not much have cnhaged
got with krystle and am still with her, and in love
4 withering flowers sink deeply

[Sunday, January 9th, 2005
@ 12:50pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Er..i havnt updated in like, a million fucking years, i dont know what has been going on, except my computer being really messed up
i feel like shit right now, im really really really exhausted and i dont know why, i got like 6 hours of sleep, or something like that
and i had to sit through a church service today, it was alright i guess, i havnt been to church in like 2 years or something like that, but i guess its cool, i went with krystle and her friend sloan
stuff has just been weird lately, im going out with krystle, we have been going out for like 3 weeks and some days, shes cool and all, but sometimes i just get feelings from her, like she doesnt like me or something, i dont know, i just try to sit it out, but lately its been getting bad, i just get really negative vibes from her, and that really sucks, because i actually like her, she is like the first in a long time, that i actually like, i dont know why i am falling for her so fast, its weird, but its a good kind of weird.Shes really cool and everything, and she is really beautiful.I dont know why she would want someone like me, i mean come on, everyone knows me, they know what my past is like, they know how i look. Lately people have been pissing me off, cause they keep being like "Man, dont fuck up with krystle, dont fuck it up, dont be like you usually do"..and i keep trying to tell them that i am not like that anymore, but some people just dont listen.Ive even told her that i would never do to her what i did in the past to other people, ive promised her, but other people just keep saying stuff...saying stuff to me...to her..I just dont know what to say.I mean all i can do is promise her that i wont do it anymore, i think she believes me sometimes but i dont know

Well uh, krystle just showed up, so i am gonnas stop writing now

1 withering flower sink deeply

[Saturday, November 13th, 2004
@ 4:01am]
The creamy creamy cheesy cream
Buahaha, i dont feel like updating
3 withering flowers sink deeply

Halloween bitches! [Sunday, October 31st, 2004
@ 10:13am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Hey..uh..its fucking halloween?
yes, it is
that means
you are ugly

2 withering flowers sink deeply

[Saturday, October 30th, 2004
@ 11:27am]
[ mood | sad ]

Yeah, well, i havnt updated in a long ass time, -quirks a brow, looking at the date- It seems, that its hallo's eve, i suppose. It really didnt feel like halloween this year that much, and now my plans are stomped for halloween, i was suppose to hang out with liza, but she bailed, like ALWAYS, but thats alright, she always does ti, its nothing new, it will be the last time she does it though. Im probably just gonna end up going over to rodneys, and helping him watch the lil nig, and hand out candy, I.E:..Eatting all the peanut butter cups, and not handing them out,:..People will have to work for the candy, thus!, i will have to know who the hell they are trying to 'look' like, and if the costume is too stupid, i will give them a piece of coal and send them on their way, but anywho, i hate the way liza goes in and out of 'liking' me, its really fucking retarded, i knew she didnt like me to start with, oh well..Anyways, im getting off of here, this journal is getting to me..

1 withering flower sink deeply

Ouch? [Monday, October 18th, 2004
@ 2:04am]
[ mood | groggy ]

Yeah, well, my anxiety attacks orw hatever the hell they were took a turn for the worst tonight, i had to end up going to the hospital,i felt like shit allllllll day,it was really bad, i ended up going, and then it sucked, i got there and was like "Needles!?", and this nurse came in with an IV needle, and it freaked me out, i was a little girl i tell you!, but it didnt hurt that bad, they did chest X-rays they did heart EKG, but they found nothing, they gave me some weird mdicine that numbed my throat, she said it was to numb my stomach or something, it was called a "G.I." drink or something, the nurse was cool though, she was like a n00b nurse, she fucking called me a weiner, cause i was freaking out about the needle, i dont know though, they said there was nothing wrong with me, and that they think i have anxiety or something, they finally gave me fucking medicne for my acid reflux. I <3 nexium, or however you spell it..-.-..but yeah, i feel alright now, i still feel a bit weird, but not at bad, i think it was like 10% feeling weird, and 90% in my head, cause i 'thought' there was something wrong with me, so it made it worse, but yeah, its nothing serious, actually its nothing at all, but anxiety, but whatever, i guess i am gonna stop writing
latizzle my nizzle!

4 withering flowers sink deeply

Jiggly butt! [Friday, October 15th, 2004
@ 4:24am]
[ mood | anxious ]

Yes, im bored, so i am gonna start typing in here or something, i havnt updated in a while, and i really dont know what to put right now, soooooooooo, yeah..Bye

1 withering flower sink deeply

Wicked wild! [Saturday, October 9th, 2004
@ 2:57am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

man i am so fucking tired, i just got off work, its great and bad ass and all, but my body hurts like a fucking bitch, i work at phobia 290, its bad ass, sometimes i chase people with this huge stick, or i chase them with a chainsaw, its all good, i made a few people cry tonight, it was great, but yeah, im super fucking tired, and i still gotta take a shower and get all this shit off my arms and my face, later

1 withering flower sink deeply

Ghey [Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
@ 2:29am]
[ mood | mEh WaNtEh LiZa ]

Yeah, well.. lots of things have been happening lately, like my mom is dumb, and everything on my home phone is turned off, so i have no caller ID, i have no voice messages, i have nothing, so if im not home, i have no way knowing that you called, so whatever, its really stupid and im pissed off, and my cell phone is dissconnected all the way, its gay, but yeah, i dont know know. My life has been being weird lately, i think liza is starting to like me again, and that is REALLY COOL, i have been waiting for her to like me again, god i love her so much, she is beautiful, she has nice hair, and she looks like a snookies, and snookies are really cool, shes my little racecar driver, if i had photobucket, i would post up a picture of her, with her acura 3.5, but oh well, i really need to see her soon, i dont know when, it needs to be soon, cause she doesnt know how much i love her, she really needs to understand how much i do, OH, and i might get a job at a haunted house, and so will sean, if everything goes right, hopefully everything goes right, cause both me and sean need money, i need money to blow on Liza, and he needs money to blow on Anali.I ThInK I aM tEh KeWl, but i dont know why, actually i dont think i am cool, i am just me, a bear. =D!!, but anywho, im tired and i think i am gonna call sean or something, and see whats up, oh and remember, by me saying everything is turned off on my home phone, i mean everything, even my precious call waiting, damn everyone to hell!

5 withering flowers sink deeply

[Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
@ 4:07am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Fucking hatchback, took a cobras balls at the track, ill post more about it tomorrow.

3 withering flowers sink deeply

Fack y0u [Friday, October 1st, 2004
@ 3:51am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Yeah, i havent written in here in a while, havnt seen a real point to lately, nothing really has been happening, except for people pissing me off, and i hardley think thsts anything to write about..-Yawns softly-..I just want to be released from this world, i have been in a weird mood lately, ive been listening to my old style of music, slipknot, mudvayne etc etc, its really weird, but in this time and place, this music right now, just seems to kinda calm me down i guess you could say, reminds me of my old days, before all of this shit happened, before anything bad went wrong, but yeah. The days are begining to grow long and pointless, all the ones i care about are slowly starting to fade away, and it kinda sucks, i mean..I still have my friends and everything..But i just mean, the people that 'liked' me, are just fading away, the only ones that there ever was lately was jeana and angela, and me and jeana are just relaly cool friends, and angela..wow..i dont know what the hells going on with any of that..She has just beena cting weird, jumping from guy to guy in a sense, its gonna be funny whenever she ends up doing something with pepe or something tomorrow at numbers, oh and again, if you people dont like what i say in my journal, then you can fuck yourself, cause no one forces you to read this, except maybe i should force people to read this..-.-..that would be sorta fun maybe..i dont know..-Yawns softly, eyeing the clock-..Its really getting late, and i dont know what to type in here, except for what ive been talking to sean about, yes i still like angela, i dont know, i doubt she likes me anymore, too many things have been said, it was all a lie about her going back out with me, like everyone said,..i dont know..just forget all of this, i wish i didnt care so much about people, its fucking retarded..But whatever..i dont know what else to put, someone just slice on the dotted line..please..
-Insert witty ending line here-
I know why you blame yourselfCollapse )

5 withering flowers sink deeply

Gah! stomach! -keels over- [Saturday, September 25th, 2004
@ 8:38pm]
[ mood | Stomach! ]

Hey, whats going on, all out today was great, i got to spent like, the who day with her, i couldnt have spent my day any better, we just really layed around for a while, fiquring out what to do, and then we kinda decided to go to that halloween store, over by almeda mall, it was great, i found a nice costume, they said its the 'best' costume they have, and they only ordered like two or something, it was 200 bucks, it was called the bad seed or something, it was like a fucked up pumpkin thing, i'ono, the mask was huge as shit, it went down to the middle of my chest and stuff, it was alright i guess, then some guy shot me with like, an air gun, what was hilariuos though, on me and angelas way out of the store, the guy walked up behind this little kid, and shot her in the back of the head, and the dad looked all pissed, it was great, then we went over to almeda, to hang out with sean,miro, stephen, and his angela, and seans snake..o.o..I had to break the news to miro that i was going out with angela, it kinded sucked, but it went 'way' better than i thought it would go, then me and angela just went back to my house and thought of more things to do, it was crazy, then we went panchos...fucking panchos, i should kill them in the face or something, v.v, got me and angela sick, except im feeling a little bit better now, but angela went home and stuff, v.v, But i guess thats all, today was bad ass though ^-^, got to hang out with angela all day <3

11 withering flowers sink deeply

Come one come all [Saturday, September 25th, 2004
@ 3:26am]
[ mood | anxious ]

Well now its time for me to actually use this journal for something, i am here to tell everyone that i like angela, yes...i like angela, and i have thought a little more about everything, after talking it out with some people, that..if you really dont like me, because i am with angela, and you call yourself a friend of mine, and you act stupid cause i am with angela, then i dont need you, i know my true friends will just be like "whatever man, its your decision", i stand by that, i just want everyone talking shit to me..Yes i know what everyone says, but i really dont care what people say, i really thank sean and stephen, because they were there for me, cause i could talk to them about all of this, but yeah, i like angela, and i want to go out with her, so now everyone knows, and you dont have to go around hearing it from anyone else, and questioning me, but yeah, in another news, sean is about to come over soon, so i can talk more about all of this, and fuck violent J!, er..sorry..song was on..but yeah..I really dont know what to write in here right now, i just wanted to write that I LIKE ANGELA, and yes, people are going to be calling me stupid and blah blah blah, but i dont care, i have choosen not to let any of peoples talking effect me, so now i must go, for some reason i hope angela reads this

4 withering flowers sink deeply

"foamys" rant [Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
@ 6:26am]
Yeah, well all kinds of shit has been happening lately, i mean i dont know what the fuck, it just seems like everything is going crazy, for example my crazy ass anxiety attacks or whatever the fuck they aer, tonight was the second it happened, it got all crazy style, and i called up sean and went out to his house, then we went to the store and thats when it happened again, i started freaking the fuck out, one part seemed like a movie to me, like i was viewing myself out of ym body being like, what the hell is up with the dumbass.But i dont know, i think i am gonna start writing ni my journal more, so i can start getting all this shit off my chest, and relieve all my stress, cause one of my friends told me to start writing in my journal again, so thats what i am gonna do, i dont know whats gonna go on with all of this shit happening with my weird body, i am thinking about going tot he Doctor soon, i mean, my mom wanted me to go the last tiem it happened, then said "its a once and a life time thing".But i guess it isnt cause it happened again tonight, the SAME way it happened last night, i was just laying down in bed and it started acting all gay, and my breathing started being all fucked up, and the tips of my fingers started going numb, and my feet started going numb. But i dont know what the fuck, My friends are all saying they think i have a shit load of stress, after i told them some thing that i went through, for example, Today, i was thinking about all kinds of stupid shit, my mom was all on my ass about tickets, about like the 3 i have to take care of, she was all on my ass for me not to get anymore tickets, another thing is, angela is just being plain out weird, i start to like her, then i think of everyone that she is involved with, and i just kinda stop liking her, and then liza is just giving me shit, talking shit to me for no reason, telling me to fuck off, when liza knows damn well that she is the love of my fucking life, and well another thing is, jeana, i mean she is just being mean, i mean what am i suppose to do i still have feelnigs for her aswell, but i know me and jeana never will be again. I am kinda starting to feel a little better by writing in my journal, its good to get alot of this shit off my chest, and if you dont feel like reading it, then you dont have to, im just posting all this stuff here so i dont go off and blow a fucking gakset, or end up dieing and shit, i was thinking about trying tog et some medicine for anxiety, that shit is fucking scary, i mean, tonight at the store whenever me and sean went shopping for food, we were talking, and he really really thinks i have anxiety, and i believe so as well, cause he said he freaks out sometimes as well, but not as bad as me, but maybe i just escalate it more, becausei freak out thinking i am having a heart attack, THUS!, making the anxiety attack way fucking worse, and i really dont care if there is typos in here, like i said, if you dnot want to read it then BLAH!.Oh man, i am really starting to feel a bit better, just trying not to think about it, i am kinda hungry right now, and its 6:16 in the morning and i still havnt went to sleep, but i dont want to eat, cause im scared to eat for some reason, i am just dumb, i will end up falling asleep whenever my body gives out again, just like it did last time, and i will fall asleep, and it will go away, and hopefully not come back!!.Anyway, im still not done writing, i still feel like writing,but i dont know what to say, and im getting kinda tired, but i know right when i lay down it will be gay, so blah..I need to fiqure out my whole life, get all my stress taken care of, LIKE!..Get a ged,go to whatever college, get a job, get my tickets taken care of, get my girl problems sorted out, weave out all the assholes in my life, to make less stress, block all the idiots,Eat better, lose weight,all kinds of good shit,..-eyes my door-..dale just walked by to the bathroom, all looking at me weird,..-Shrugs-..Everything is just stupid, i am gonna go to my doctor today and DEMAND, fucking anti-depressents, or maybe like er..anxiety drugs?, i dont know, to make me feel fromt he way i am feeling, its feel stupid, but yeah, sean makes me feel better, cause we watched beavis and butthead and stuff, but he fell asleep so i left =/..then i came home and talked to my friend fyre online, he is the one that inspired me to start writing in my journal again.-Looks at the clock- fucking hell ive been typing for a while, not that im a slow typer or anything. its just that i want to get everything out that i can...Its kinda weird, i never was a 'journal' person, until now, its odd,..That i actually sorta..Pour my heart out?, i guess you could say to my journal, i dont know what was come over me, just wanted to start typing and now i cant quit, but i guess i will
3 withering flowers sink deeply

off i go! [Friday, September 3rd, 2004
@ 11:59pm]
Well, in a matter of hours i am gonna be taking off to go to mexico/rio grande but yeah, it should be sorta cool, my friend joe and his wife want me to go so i am gonna go, and just hang out, alot has been running through my head, i saw liza today, it was really cool, until she said she never wanted a relationship with me ever again, so i dont know, i feel all weird now, i told her this is the final time i am talking to her, it really sucks, but now is a good time to do it i guess, since i will be gone for a few days and i will be able to just hang out with joe and try to get over everything, i know it will be hard not talking to her anymore, not having a friend there for me anymore, but its just something i have to do, i just feel so stupid i dont know why, but yeah i wont be back till like tuesday or something from my trip, so i guess it will be cool, there is gonna be a huge labor day party over at joes parents house, and they live out on a huge ranch and haves lots of guns, so we can go shooting trees and stuff, it should be fun, but whatever, to liza, im sorry i had to stop talking to you, i just felt so bad, i felt empty inside, and the only way i can heal is not to talk to you, it hurts me too much, i dont know...well i shall go, later everyone, goodbye sweet love
-dead inside
13 withering flowers sink deeply

Hey..guy..yeah..guy [Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
@ 2:09pm]
| |----------| //\\
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| | //==========\\ G
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--- // \\
.....too lazy to finish, it was just something to do cause i was bored and..stuff..
4 withering flowers sink deeply

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